Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Update on our chart

Last week I said I would let you guys know how the parenting chart is going and I must say it's going pretty well. Right now we are working on yelling. Something I struggle with even though I know it doesn't do any good. It makes me feel pretty good I must say. The kids give me a friendly reminder to not yell and then if they see that I am doing my best to remain calm they give me a sticker. And they are so generous with their stickers.

 I do have that gem from last week to share with you. Just a side note this post is hard to write. I try so HARD to be a good mom. And there are some things in my post that will make that seem as an opposite. And sometimes I just lose it. I don't expect myself to be 100 percent calm but I just hate that feeling of when I overreact and see the hurt in their face.

We were having a super rough night. I was stressed beyond belief, kids were picking on every nerve they could and it was just one of those days. I was telling Jace to do something and he just would not listen so finally I said to go spend 10 minutes in his room and think about what was more important..doing something your mom tells you or getting in trouble for not doing it. He then throws this dream catcher really hard against my hard wood rails which makes the beads on the dream catcher go everywhere. I am livid at this point and follow him up to his room and proceeded to throw and BREAK one of his toys. Jace immediately breaks down....I immediately break down. There I am this blubbering mess saying how sorry I am, how mean that was, and how I know I am the one who taught him to throw things when he's mad and that's not okay. Which is true. I throw things a lot when I am mad.

After our good crying session I told them I needed their help. I didn't want to be the crazy yelling mom who throws things. I didn't want that memory to stick out in their minds. So I needed them to right then tell to me what upsets them. I needed to hear what they had to say to get anywhere in this. So here is the little list they came up with

1. I am a mean name caller. Not in a mad way but in a "joking" manner. Let's say Jake does something like flick me in a playing manner...I will laugh and call him a jerk face. But then I will turn around and get mad at my kids for saying that. They told me it's not fair that I can say it and they can't and why can't I come up with funny names like dad. Jake has been known to call me a backwards ladybug, roly poly, and
a tablurblablurb. (Sorry but your going to have to break that last one down....no idea where Jake came up with that one)

2. I yell

3. I throw things

4. I yank clothes that that are wearing

5. I need to use the computer less

6. I need to say excuse me more and be more patient with them.

This week I asked them what they would like me to work on with the sticker chart. Both said yelling because it scares them and hurts their feelings. And I must appear like a monster because I must say my kids aren't exactly the sensitive types and are quick to stand up for themselves.

I in no way think it's possible to be calm all the time but it would for sure make me feel better!

4 comments:

  1. Melissa, this is more common in families then most people would let on. The fact that you care that it hurts your children speaks volumes. No one is perfect. Doing your best to remedy it is all you can do and sounds like you are.

    If the world was better about listing their faults honestly, the way you are, this world would be a lot less judgmental place.

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    1. People seem afraid to be open about it. Which obviously I can't blame them as I still have a tiny bit of fear left over from sharing it but it certainly makes me feel better.

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  2. I can tell by the tone in this post that you are working really really hard to better yourself. Keep up the good work!

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    1. Thanks for noticing...I was for sure scared to write it but the comment makes me feel a lot better!

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